home....

have i felt home?

why do i feel exhausted taking the journeys?

this isn't home...not like this...not this cold?

my husband said he's marrying a 'queen'

and i'm hurt all over again. have you judged my devotion based on my disability to make you breakfast? what about the shirts and trousers you've been wearing everyday...can't you count that? have you judged whether or not i can take care of you and our future children based on my disability to take care of our lawn and home?

my darling, have you chosen the wrong woman?

'swear to God, this won't be your fate'

in my neighborhood, there are several jobs that have been occupied by local people. it's probably some kind of social compensation of buying the land to build real-estate. these people usually work as gardeners, security officers, baby sitter or house-maid. but this has been a reality that disturb me since this chance of gaining a proper income includes the local teenagers.

this girl is one of the baby-sitters that works in my neighborhood. her job is actually simple. all she needs to do is watching the kids; taking them to school; waiting and then taking them back home. there were times, she took the kid to my house and then she can escape awhile using her cell-phone. i ask her once, 'do you go to school?'...she said 'i used to...but not anymore. my mother said school won't do me any good'.

and i remember my father...

i was born poor too...i did not have much during the childhood. there were times when my parents only ate twice a day. and there were even rough times when my sister got sick and my father had to swallow his pride begging people to lend him some money.

and one night, he went to his father graveyard...crying his heart out. he said, 'this might be the fate i'm living through, father. but this won't be my daughters''...'they will go to school...have a better and proper life. swear to God, this won't be their fate'

all i keep thinking was 'why can't her parents have the same thought?'...this chain of poverty needs to be cut, but if parents keep believing that school won't do any good. how would you give a clearer view of future for your children?. why would you want your children to bear the same miserable life you've been living?

that girl and many others are probably going to live like their parents...and that high mountain where they come home to is going to be the only sanctuary of a never-ending misery.

and the old man who cried his heart out has fulfilled his promise.

saya harus jadi direktur...

hahahaa...saya sendiri sebenarnya cukup kaget dengan cita-cita baru ini, karena sebelumnya saya hanya wanita dengan cita-cita seadanya...cukuplah saya senang dalam hidup, itu cita-cita saya. namun perubahan drastis yang menguras emosi di kantor ini sudah membuka ruang ambisi yang sebelumnya tertutup rapat dan tidak pernah saya ingin buka.

saya harus jadi direktur!

bukan karena materi atau kenyamanan yang bisa saya terima, ini karena saya sudah sangat marah melihat pembodohan dan ketidakadilan yang kali ini sudah lewat dari batas toleransi.

untuk itu saya harus jadi direktur!

karena saya bisa membuat perubahan, saya tidak akan menarik siapapun yang tidak akan berguna untuk direktorat saya. saya tidak akan membiarkan wajah-wajah lelah itu pulang dengan rasa kecewa. saya tidak akan peduli apakah mereka anak seorang A atau B, kalau dia tidak bisa berkontribusi, dia tidak layak!

saya harus jadi direktur!

saya selalu merasa ada yang salah dengan sistem institusi ini, dan saya punya keinginan besar bisa menjadi salah seorang agen perubahan. sudah sangat keterlaluan...sudah sangat tidak masuk akal.